Letters

Written in obscurity,
but heartfelt.

Dir Sir:

death will never leave his computer chair to meet anyone, he is a chicken and he knows the law. He is no lawyer but has been informed by me that if he crosses state lines with the intent of harming someone there can be severe repercussions. He has tried to get me to meet him several times @ wal mart (where the loser shops) and even in Dallas but I know he is just bluffing. His ex wife should have taken the computer in the divorce then he could go back into the closet with his blow up doll.

A Cowboy fan

(Discovered on a Dallas Cowboys fan forum. I wish I could take credit. CMM)

____________________

Hey -

So all my plans collapsed tonight - it’s Friday - and at first I thought I’d stay at work a little longer. Things get good and quiet after around 6:00 or so and I kinda like wandering around the office checking out everyone else’s cubicle when they’re gone. But I decided to go to the movies instead.

So I packed up and jumped on the bus back to my neighborhood. It’s not a great neighborhood, one of those fringe neighborhoods that crime experts point to as the hot spots for break-ins, muggings, car thefts. They’re like the inflamed membrane between the newly emerged overnight yuppy pustules and the surrounding ‘hoods. You can hear gunfire there, sometimes.

Any way there’s a new movie theater (pick your own stadium seating!) in that yuppy part so I took the bus through the bad part and then landed a block or so from the theater. The lobby was busy. Dates, foursomes and small girl-packs bustling around. I was just in time, ten minutes before the movie. But here was my choice of seating: one on either of the front row wings and one in the center, second row.  Against the totally red seats of the occupied theater, these three little green squares looked like a wide football formation.

I don’t care. I’m not paying 15 bucks to see a movie up my nose. So I left. I caught a bus leaving the yuppy part, jumped off in my part and walked home, no problem.

So this is why I’m writing: Did I just avoid something terrible happening?

If I’d sat through the movie, I would’ve walked home and maybe been mugged, with a knife pressed against my throat this time. And even if I gave them money, the knife is so close to my throat, he might as well just ring it straight across my adam’s apple and leave me bleeding and gasping on the cold dark sidewalk.

It is also possible if I’d taken the bus - another minor choice on the decision tree of my personal cataclysm -  the bus would have had a guy pull a gun and start shooting up. Blood and brains spattering on the windows and seating, making his way down the aisle to me. I would have stared at him, we would have had a Tarantino stare down. Then maybe I’d jump at him because the tension would be too much. Only to be stopped in mid-air with three fat bullets tearing through my head, chest and shoulder and my body drops backwards across the seat back like Jesus. And then maybe my body falls with wet dead thump to the bus floor, adding another dent or two to my face.

I know these things happen. Don’t tell me no just to make me feel better.

Thanks,

Dave